posted 02-23-2004 05:34 PM         

Dear Canine Friends
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Look at videos of other dogs sleeping:
They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging
out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees!
And for the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years,
so canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I
cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for
money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never
drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or
drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions (i.e. nose rings ,
don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

[This message has been edited by GinaH (edited 02-23-2004).]

posted 02-28-2004 01:04 PM         

[This message has been edited by GinaH (edited 02-28-2004).]