posted 06-03-2003 12:42 AM         

I think first of all you need to rule out illness or injury. A change in behaviour can be a sign of something not right. She may be closer to you and therefore happier to make a special effort at being nice with you, while its too much work with your partner. Or you may be more gentle with her, while your partner is unknowingly hurting a hidden injury.

If she checks out ok with a health check then it could be a reaction to something recent. Did your partner so anything to scare her or hurt her accidently? Cats can be unforgiving. If you can figure out what may have caused this then you can find the means to fix whats going on. Some detective work may be requied. She may even be unhappy about something else entirely but be taking it out on your partner. Has anything changed recently (furnature moved? new cat prowling outside? anything!).

Or if you think the behaviour is a sudden emotional blackmail type thing then you will need to retrain her to accept your partner. This might be needed anyway. You will need to withdraw yourself from her. This will be very hard but you most not give up. If you want her to once agin be happy with your partner you will have to be very strict with yourself! You will have to let your partner to do all of the looking after her that you otherwise do. He must feed her, groom her, pat her, play with her. You can't even make eye contact with her or talk to her. She must learn that the only person she can use for her needs is him. This might take a week, maybe even a month. It depends how stubborn she is. But if you want it to work, you can't give up.

posted 06-04-2003 12:49 AM         

Try indroducing her to him as if they were strangers. Lots of TLC and quiet patting etc, make sure she dosn't feel threatened.