An email from a dog

lil96 · Super Senior Member Joined: 06 Apr 2004 Posts: 1276

To: Master of the house
From: Dog
Subject: Cat Master:

The cat is despicable. She doesn't do any tricks and never comes when you call and I've been there and I know she can hear you. We need to face facts: It's time to get rid of the cat.
Before the cat's arrival, meals were very festive times. I would sit and stare attentively at your lips, trembling slightly and drooling. You would play the game of pretending to be cross and demand that I leave the area, but whenever you cooked dinner, your children would slip me food under the table.
Now, though, the cat is allowed to jump on the table - actually physically walk on the table! You don't yell at the cat, you just pick her up and put her back on the floor, and I know you don't see it, but she always gives me a haughty look as she walks past me.
And speaking of meals, I have always been satisfied to eat the gritty pellets of meat byproducts you bring home in the giant bags, right? Have I ever once, ever, failed to finish a meal? But now I find out that the cat is being served lobster and salmon and crab - and she never consumes all of it! This means there are little containers of delectable snacks lying around and how can I be blamed for making sure they get eaten? Why do you get so mad? As long as the pet food is going to the pets, isn't that what's important?
Then there's play time. I think we can clearly see that I am a big dog, descended from a noble line of hunters accustomed to chasing prey and attacking it. Haven't I nearly managed to take down a few cars as they've driven past the house? The cat is about the size of a squirrel and, in my view, should behave like one, but when I attempt to chase her, she hunches up and spits at me! This can't be sanitary. And shouldn't she be declawed? I'm very concerned about the potential for damage to the furniture and my nose!
Speaking of sanitation, do you realize that the cat goes to the bathroom in the house? And not in the drinking basins like you do, but in a sandbox in the basement. What are we going to say if some woman brings her baby over to play in the sandbox and the cat has been using it as a toilet? I used to police the thing for you, but you put it up out of my reach for some reason.
I'm not the only one who believes the cat is an evil person. Here's
a note from the hamster:

Aqueous · Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 2:59 pm Post subject:

LOL that's too funny

GinaH · Super Senior Member Joined: 18 Mar 2004 Posts: 1377

That is so funny! Im going to crosspost this if you dont mind.

Jamiya · Moderator Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 5593

Priceless!

Trixiepoo · Member Joined: 12 Apr 2004 Posts: 292

LMAO

horse_child · Member Joined: 18 Jun 2004 Posts: 433

LOL SO FUNNY!

Jamiya · Moderator Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 5593

I sent it to my husband and he agrees with the dog...

loves-da-pits · Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2004 3:44 pm Post subject:

HEY!! This could be very serious!! Shocked

If this email gets around, we could have a global uprising of dogs who are discontent with their feline siblings.

That would force us Humans to provide separate housing for felines and canines. God only knows if they can pursuade the hamsters and the fish to join forces.

I strongly suggest not allowing any more computer or email privilages to the dog. If you do, closely monitor! I don't know about you guys, but I can't afford to convert my house into condos.

Jamiya · Moderator Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 5593

Hehe, we already do the condo thing. The mice live in the bedrooms, the dogs live in the family room, and the cats get the rest. Oh yeah, the humans can also go where they want, as far as I know.

lynnhaz · Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:35 pm Post subject:

oh lil...that is just the best by far. it should be submitted somewhere. how clever!!! vene directed me here to read it, she thought it was so funny.

hysterical... Surprised