Today is the worst day of my entire life.

[Chessmind]

I'm not sure if I'm ready to do this, but I want to share with all of you why today is the worst day of my life. Tears are just flowing down my face as I type this. I'm sure most of you know that the one thing in my life I love more than anything, is my kitty Handsome. I always refer to him as my best pal, because he is. Handsome passed away this morning. I can't believe he's gone. I miss him so much. The house is so empty without him here and I feel as if half of me is gone. It's all just so surreal. Like a horribly sad dream that I can't wake up from. My friends and family all came over today. They took all of Handsome's toys and anything else that belonged to him. They thought it would be too much for me to have to see all of these things in the house. I did keep a few things and I have his collar around my wrist. We burried him in the yard. I held him for a few minutes before I placed him into the earth. I so much wanted him to just come back to life right then and there. It was so sad.

This is how it all happened: Last night for some unknown reason, Handsome would not come inside (he is not allowed out at night), but until last night he always came in when I got home. So, I called and called and looked for him, but he didn't come in. He has several cat doors and I also left one of the patio doors open for him hoping he would come in when I was asleep.

At 5:00 a.m. today I woke up the most god awful sound. I bolted out of bed and ran outside to the exact location of the sound (how I was lead to his exact location, I will never know). A coyote dashed right in front of me. I looked up at the grass area four feet away from me and there was my best pal, laying in the grass, still alive, but unable to move. I could see in his eyes that he was so relieved to see me. I picked him up very gently, but I could literally hear the blood gushing inside of him as I picked him up (he must have been bleeding so badly internally). I carried him back into the house. I slowly placed him down in the living room. I knew he didn't have but a few more minutes of life left in him.

The emergency vet is 30 minutes away. I knew I could try and make it there, but when I saw him, I just knew he wouldn't make it there alive. So, I just pet him for a few minutes and told him how much I loved him and that he was the best pal I ever had. He tried to get up, but he was paralyzed from the waist down. As I pet him I looked at his grey paws. They were just full of coyote hair. I know Handsome put up a fight.

After a few minutes, he passed away. I can't fully put into words how sad I am right now and how much I miss him. Today really is the worst day of my entire life.

We never had problems with coyotes here before. But, there is all this new development going on and I think the all the wildlife is being pushed down further and further into residential areas.

Someday, if I am ever ready to have another kitty, I will have my entire property enclosed, so that they can be safe.

I'm just really having a hard time right now and I'm not sure you'll be seeing me here at Auspet posting on a regular basis. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time, but I honestly don't think I'll be able to post as much as I normally do, if at all.

Anyway, I noticed Dolly has a memorial post going. Perhaps when I feel a little better I will share my thoughts of my Handsome there.

[Auspetian]

Chessmind,

I am soooo sorry to hear about what happened.

Handsome has gone to a better place. The love you two shared will never die.

Be strong old friend. We are all here for you ! Be strong !


Auspetian

[kyles101]

oh chessmind that is so sad. i hope things get better and that you stay here. just remember all the good funny things handsome has done. im sure that will put a smile on your face. hang in there...

[vene]

I can't believe Handsome is gone. I'm so sorry. I'm crying as I'm typing. My prayers are with you and your family.
I'm glad you were able to spend the last moments with Handsome as he was comforted. He was here for a reason and the love you shared together will never be taken away. Hang in there!

[dolly]

Oh dear Chessmind,
I feel so badly for you and Handsome. He is in a better place, you have to believe that. I don't know if you are a spiritual person but when I lost my Spooky the one thought that kept me going was that I would see him again someday. You have many friends here who feel your sorrow.

[russianbluefanatic]

Dear Chessmind, I was so terribly sad when I read your post, and cried for you and your heavy loss, and also a little for myself as many sad memories came flooding back of the loved ones I have lost in the past.
However, I can imagine how terribly hard it is for you to have lost your beloved Handsome, so suddenly, and in the prime of his life.
My thoughts are with you in this hard time.
Please know that there are many regulars here that would much love to see you continue to post here and offer your advice to those in need.

remember , it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
Cherish the times you had with him, and how lucky its was YOU who got to love him all these years.

[halaroo]

I'm so sorry! I have no idea what to say except how terribly sad I am for you right now. This is such a shock and I'm literally in tears sitting here at my office reading your post.

You loved him very much and that came out in all of your posts. You have helped so many people and furbabies here because of Handsome and I sincerely hope you can continue to do so in his memory. If you choose not to return for awhile we will all understand. Just in know that in my mind, and I'm sure in the minds of many others here, you are the heart and soul of these boards! So thank you for all you've done.

If you are in need of a support system, let me know. My thoughts are with you.

[Mary_NH]

I am so sorry...I know how you feel having lost my Sessy and all to wildlife. I just keep telling myself that it's all a part of nature. Nothing harder though.

The wildlife is something we live with everyday. The other night I could hear one of my cats screeching in the basement - I ran downstairs and when I turned on the light I could see a bobcat face looking in at me.

I am so sorry you had to lose Handsome like this - but at least he was able to die in your loving arms rather than on the cold ground. He was able to be with you.

[deb2950]

[Ia_Cat_Lover]

Oh Chessmind, I am sooo sorry. I usually try to avoid the sad posts...I just can't bear to read them....But you were so kind to me here. I am just so terribly sorry to hear about your Handsome.

[Samsintentions]

Oh Chessmind......

I"m not implying anything here. But Something happened this morning around 2:30am....maybe closer to 3. I heard the dogs barking, so I got out of bed, grabbed a flash light and there was a cat in the tree right by my back porch!!! Chessmind, he looks sooo much like your Handsome. He's dirty and grey maybe black, kina hard to tell, and has the most gorgeous emerald green eyes I've ever seen. I called the dogs off and made them go to their outside kennels and locked them in so they wouldn't try and chase it as I coaxed it down. Its a tom cat and he's very affraid. I've got him in a pet taxi with a warm towel and food and water. He's pretty scared and skinny. Looks like he's been in a tangle with another cat or dog.....I put him in the laundry room with the lights off and a pharamone plug in. (I figured that might calm him down a bit).
I've got to wait until I get home to check him out further, but as far as I could tell he was ok. Just scared, hungry and really dirty. I'm guessing he's maybe 6 months to a year old... He's on the small side.

How wierd......This is no joke. I'm sorry if this maybe makes you feel odd or uncomfortable, but I can't fathom how yours passes and one shows up at my place around the same time! I'm not a big believer in reincarnations and stuff like that....but somethings up here..... Maybe just a coincidence?????


I'm sooo sorry Chessmind, I know how much your handsome meant to you. When I get this little guy all checked out and make sure he's healthy and cleaned up and settled down a bit, perhaps maybe you would like to take a look at some of his photos???

Its rare that a cat ever shows up at my place, usually the dogs run them off.


**EDIT*** Just another thought. What do you suggest Chessmind, is the best way to clean him up?? I know cats hate baths, and I don't want him scratching or biting me before I know if he's got anything.....I have some of the puppy cleaning wipes....but do you think it would make him sick if he tried licking himself after I wiped him down? And another thing....sorry I know you probably don't want to talk much right now, he was meowing quite loudly and there was an awful smell coming from his mouth, he's got really bad breath, any ideas??

[lynnhaz]

oh dear chessmind. i am so deeply sorry for your loss. i just read your post this morning and had to write immediately. oh dear... i am so familiar with that ache. it is the only pure grief i have ever felt in my life. not mixed with anything other than sadness. because of course, there was only love. no rejection, no anger, no shame or guilt as some of our losses carry with them. just the pure simple emotion of grief. i felt it on march 17 of this year when otis died. sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. oh how i loved that cat. he was almost twenty. i am so, so sorry. i have read your posts, and i think you have lost other animals, but does it ever really stop hurting just because youve experienced it before? your grief is a testament of your love for him. he is truly handsome and regal in that picture. i am sure he died bravely. i have tears also. i am so sorry. what helped me: i put otis's picture on the background of my computer. he is still there. i put "in loving memory of otis h____" on my screensaver. i put a memorium up for him on two cat bereavement websites, and i cried alot. i have his ashes in a pretty urn, and i cried alot. and i cried. cause...well...i just loved him, so i cried until i didnt need to cry that much anymore. i share your sadness

[honeybears]

Chessmind,, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Honeybear

[disneeworld]

Having lost my oldest and dearest and sweetest 12 yr old cat just 3 days ago, and rather suddenly to renal failure, I feel your pain, and I am so very sorry. I have barely stopped crying for 3 days, and I am new at this where pets are concerned, so I have no advice other than to just let it out..and often. And remember the good times especially.
Today I brought one of several "outside cats" inside for the 1st time in the 5 years he has been hanging around my yard. I was always afraid to take him in because he had an attitude and I was never sure of his health, but he always ate and drank well, and I gave him plenty of shelter from the elements over the years. And I would clean his ears, brush him, and treat him with either flea drops or a collar. But he always stayed outside and I felt bad because he never socialized with other ferals in the neighborhood. He was and is quite the loner...But the last couple of weeks he hasn't been eating alot and he has become very thin. When I brush him I can clearly feel his bones and vertebrae and it's disturbing to me. He always was a bulky and quite furry cat so his furriness is deceiving until you pet him..So I figured I would take him in, keep him in the spare room and try and fattten him up and see if he rebounds. Then I will probably take him to the vet to be neutered(assuming he hasn't been already,I cant tell) and tested for feline leuk and worms. After so much vet expense recently , I am tight on funds so not sure when I can do this.
My point is somewhere inside of me I felt I had to do this, kind of as a tribute and out of respect for Punkin who was put to sleep the other day. Not to replace her as that could never happen but to perhaps give this guy a shot at life if he is indeed sick. Depending on what the vet says I may keep him inside, or return him to the yard where he seemed content , I think, for the past 5 years...Perhaps someday soon you can think of doing the same out of memory and respect, and it may help with the healing.
Again my thoughts are with you and anyone who has lost a pet recently.

[Obelix]

I hope all theese posts will be something of a comfrompt to you, you'll be in my thoghts and though im new to the cat part of this site im sure all the regulars will understand if you descide not to be around as much. Best wishies

-Jameson a.k.a obelix

[ilovemaltipoos]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss .I know you loved him and he you .
may God Bless and my heart goes out to you .

[nern]

Chessmind, I feel aweful. I am so sorry for your loss.

[footsie]

Oh wow. I"m so sorry and heartbroken for you.

Handsome was so well loved and cared for. I'm sure his time with you was happy.

[Fblack]

Nothing we can say can ease your pain. But have you heard of Rainbow Bridge? I hope this helps a little.

Frank Black


Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

(Pet Loss Grief Support Website)



http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

[fleafly]

I am so sorry that Handsome is gone. Through reading each other's posts I think we feel like we know each other's animals. Even though I never meet him, I feel like I knew Handsome. I will miss him too. I know he was a great cat and blessed to have such a wonderful owner. I still cry when I miss some of my cats who have passed on. I firmly believe that I will see them again and they will be waiting for me when my time to pass comes.


You are a great person and animal lover, I know that when you are ready to you will make another cat as happy as Handsome was.

p.s. please stick around the board, we need your insight and knowledge.